Has the world forsaken me?
It seems you rule my world within your clutches.
I know you are still out there ready to strangle my life.
My spirit can only stand still.
With legs so weak I can barely crawl.
The trees at night do not sleep.
They are full of your deadly intentions.
I choose to sleep all day.
Preferring to watch my healthy flesh
turn into skin and bones.
Once I use to feel free with peace in my heart
and laugh within the summer breeze.
A stranger stares from my mirror.
My eyes stare back.
It's a face I am not acquainted with.
A face that looks lost in the clouds,
where no clouds should be.
I notice a fragment of a crack within this mirror.
Trying to find a glimmer of hope.
Ending up dissolving into tears.
Will I ever be able to say farewell to my fears?
Tears spill, this body trembles,
everything feels paralyzed.
I try to erase the sin of you from beneath my skin.
Somehow, we are mysteriously connected.
You have this immense control over me.
Camouflaging yourself within the shadows of shade,
under the rocks and in the soul of the Earth.
You fancy me every night.
I envision you every day.
The Earth recognizes you.
The seeds have disgust for you.
Even the animals are acquainted with
your insatiable appetite.
You scrutinize everything you touch.
You drain every particle out of me.
You have contaminated me, tormented me.
I no longer bloom.
All that is left of me is an abyss.
A hollow space in time
where there is no going back.
I have tasted your poison.
You came to me as an uninvited guest.
You must be destroyed.
Are you ever going to decompose?
Welcome to my Nightmare
The fear of failure is in my heart.
Faith alone cannot eliminate it.
There are so many times and
places when fear creeps in.
It starts inch by inch.
Then in silence it spreads through my body.
It feeds on me as if I were a weak rained on bee.
I feel your energy of fear.
Devouring me and breeding into a bitter enemy.
Fear leaves me frail and fragile.
I can't break through the hurt.
It weighs me down.
Every spring it returns.
I cannot run from what I cannot see.
Nothing is going to stop it.
Nor help me with my sanity.
It is the plague that wants to live inside me.
I'll sit and tear you out of my skin,
I'll cut you away if I have to.
I feel like I'm unable to run, hide or fight back.
You crawl up my skin and strike me
as lightning strikes and then is gone.
I'm afraid of letting you into my world again.
I go mad with anxiety and fear.
I know not what lies in the darkness.
Yet I fear it.
Fearing my doubts,
fearing my self confidence,
I will never feel the warmth of the sun.
The clouds grow darker.
Fear creeps underneath as
my heart races and you don't disappear.
I have no walls or ceilings outside that exist.
I live as a trapped bird in a cage.
Catching my breath, I gasp for air.
I slowly fall to the ground.
I just want to close their eyes.
They should listen to the trees,
that stand with power and pride.
Fear is what has gotten me here.
How do you fight fear?
It will never be dead.
Welcome to my nightmare.
Who is this woman I see in the mirror?
Is she really me?
When Did I Slip Away
Each day I try to pretend how my life should be.
I try to hunt for a solution.
I'm feeling so confined inside.
I need a request to be able to die.
So that I can deliberately tumble
into the arms of death.
I've become as a silent as a stone,
as the howling screams haunt
me through the night.
Demons continually search me out.
They are around every corner.
Darkness grows in me as black as a crow.
It devours me and breeds its venom
of nightmares into me.
It eats at me until I've become paralyzed.
I've become lost in the wind and rain.
No longer can I walk on unknown roads.
No longer am I able to find a safe place.
I'm traumatized and worn out.
So many secrets lie within my flesh.
Bruises that puncture my heart
leave me wondering if I'll ever be whole again.
I'm trying to keep my body and soul together.
My mind is in turmoil.
My senses are trembling.
Never will I shine like the stars anymore.
I wander from room to room,
only to find myself sinking further down
into my own abyss.
I walk through doorways that are unoccupied.
They only lead to doorways that are choking.
I sit here alone
yet I have everything.
I am as hollow as a puppet.
I've built my own prison.
When did I slip away?
Being lost has become part of who I am.
The light of day no longer lifts my spirit.
Now only the moon can illuminate my face.
About the Author
Her poems in "Collected Whispers" (2008) and "From a Window: Sights
Unseen" (2011) behind her. Myraka Jones has embarked on a journey to come
full circle with her three year battle against advanced Lyme disease. Written
from the depths of despair where the feeling of dread was constant to the realization
that life can become whole again. Myraka's most recent verses are dedicated to
all of those who suffer. Healing comes in many forms. May her words help to bring
about inner peace in a world of turmoil.
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